The Last Kiss

OUR REVIEW

Who's in It: Zach Braff, Jacinda Barrett, Blythe Danner, Tom Wilkinson, Rachel Bilson
The Basics: Zach Braff has a lovely pregnant girlfriend in Jacinda Barrett. But then his late-20s crisis kicks in and turns him into a Rachel Bilson–humping sex zombie. Meanwhile, all his male friends his own age are having lady problems, too. Darn those ladies. Always making trouble for emotionally stunted guys. What have you women got to say for yourselves anyway, hmm?

What's the Deal? This is the best Edward Burns movie ever. And the best part about it is that he's not in it. It's got all the dude bonding you expect and all the character development of a silver-dollar pancake from IHOP. Oh, yeah, and a script from Paul Haggis, who loves to sit his characters down and give them deep philosophies to spout. You know this is the one he couldn't sell until Crash got all big and important. Did you know he used to be a writer on The Love Boat? It's true.

"We All Just Keep Crashing Into Each Other So We Can Feel Something": OK, that's a paraphrasing of something Don Cheadle was paid what I'm sure was relatively OK money to say in the dumbest movie ever to win Best Picture, Crash. Now, in this one, you get to listen to O.C. resident Rachel Bilson talk about how we're all moving so fast our hearts are racing and we forget to breathe. I sat in the theater and couldn't help but say out loud, "Shut up, Rachel Bilson." I know it's wrong to talk during movies, but it just came out. I'm sorry, and I'll never do it again.

What Could Have Improved It: If the whole thing had been about Blythe Danner — who plays Jacinda Barrett's mom — and her loveless marriage to Tom Wilkinson, it would have been pretty awesome. It's always Blythe Danner who steps in and makes mediocre stuff sit-throughable. Gwyneth Paltrow had better be giving that woman awesome Mother's Day gifts.

Where's Tony Jaa When You Need Him? I've developed a new rule for movies. It's called the Tony Jaa Rule. Catchy, right? Here's the rule: If you're a boring character, then Tony Jaa has to show up and kick you in the face, lay down that Ong Bak action on your head. Then you disappear from the movie and go to a hospital.